If you have nothing to say, say it in neon

Bright yet so dull.

Of all the things to be outraged about these days, the blandification of neon signs should be near the bottom of the list.

Yet every time I see a bar or restaurant with a supposedly witty slogan in glowing cursive letters, I can’t help but feel a little cursive myself.

That happens a lot these days.

Take a stroll downtown along Queen, College, King West, or pretty much anywhere, and you’ll start to notice it too.

It’s the restaurant equivalent of a bad tattoo. It probably seemed clever at the time.

The trend has plagued fine dining establishments and fast food, cool cocktail bars and ice cream parlours.

You start to notice certain themes.

Well, which is it?

But whatever you do…

I choose panic.

Of course, every place wants to have a memorable backdrop worthy of influencer shares.

But the proliferation of these neon signs is owing to the fact that they aren’t neon at all. They are, generally speaking, LED signs that can be customized to order and delivered quickly for a few hundred bucks. This a far cry from the iconic neon that adorned the likes of Sam the Record Man (and still adorns the El Mocambo).

I went on a couple of Amazon stores and previewed some mockups.

I was tempted to order one for myself.

But I worry that, like the trend itself, it would come off as, well…